Second person
by mutemuia
Summary: Kuon tells the truth to Kyoko, but nothing goes the way he expected it to be…
_My Spanish version is available at /s/11089226/1/_

 **DISCLAIMER:** I don't own _Skip Beat_. I guess you know that… *sigh*

 **Timeline:** #221, after Guam. Plots of Saena and Chiori are deleted.

* * *

 **SECOND PERSON**

Your feet need no time to step on Japanese soil when you get off the plane. Jelly Woods has to stop you in your tracks, because you only want to run to meet her at LME. You didn't even notice you look Kuon today. And Kyoko has never met Kuon…

You have to wait…

While you're being dyed as Tsuruga Ren, you only think that you both last met three days ago. Three days. Long, everlasting days. Neither a message nor a call, because you were Cain. And you want to keep your promise. You want to see her, you're dying to see her, and that's why you deliberately planned the perfect pretext for a meeting as soon as you arrive. You have to stamp the real thing. "Before 'that' disappears completely, I'll be back." You had to let her know. You had to tell her somehow. Your infinite points were practically a declaration of love. A handwritten one. Just like an old-fashioned love letter.

Has she ever thought of you?

Yashiro has no mercy and fills your day of job appointments. More hours keeping you apart from her. Then Lory holds you up to ask for your 'health'. Yes, of course. He wants to know if Ren has made amends with Kuon. You get away as you can and rush into Section Love Me.

And finally you find her. Your heart wants to go out of your chest but you manage to convince her to dinner tonight in your apartment, so she can watch those videos of your meals. Second pretext. While talking with her, the only thing you can think of is that seven days ago you kissed her. You kissed Kyoko. You kissed the girl you're in love since almost a year ago. A stolen kiss, indeed. As Corn, neither as Ren nor as Kuon. But still, a real kiss.

You know you should tell her the truth, before things get more messy. You've decided that you're telling her your secrets tonight. You don't want shadows and no more secrets between both of you. And you pray for her not to become mad and not to panic. You're nervous. You look for liquid courage because you're scared to death. Only a drink. No more, because you need all your neurons.

She is surprised to see the table already set. You've ordered dinner so she has nothing to do and can pay you attention without interruptions of stoves and cooking pots. And then, you start to tell her your story... You tell her the stories of that actor boy, of the violent teenager, how Rick died... You see in her eyes filled with tears the spark of understanding. Now she can imagine what your nightmares are... You tell her the creation of Tsuruga Ren. The mask that Lory invented to keep Hizuri Kuon sane. Yes, you tell her that you are Hizuri Kuon. She smiles and says "I thought Kuon was dead" and suddenly she takes a happy little jump exclaiming, "We are brothers!" And your heart breaks... You have neither courage nor strength to contradict her. She has never had siblings. You neither, for that matter. Only Setsu... And you know how that turned out...

With your heart tight, you seek the little spirit you can to tell her your penultimate secret. The worst one. You're Corn. To tell her that her fairy prince doesn't exist. You'll kill her. Or she'll kill you. Whatever comes first... "Kyoko-chan," you say. Your throat is dry, your voice is hoarse. She stops dead and looks at you. You see first the surprise and the terror later. "No," she says. "Forgive me," you say. "No," she repeats. "Sorry," you say. You see her to stand up hesitantly. You want to hold her, to hug her, but you know that if you touch her now, she'll remove herself from you as if you'd burn. You stand up next to her. She raises her head to look at you. And then you see them. Furies and demons around her like an aura of retaliation. You always thought it was an exaggeration. But it's not. And they are here for you. You made them come. You know what it means. Kyoko hates you.

You've lost her.

She looks at you. Her red eyes, glowing coals of anger... "You had a lot of fun all this time, Tsuruga-san..." She is going towards the entrance, grabbing her bag and you can only see how she moves away from you. With her hand on the door, for one last time, and without looking back, she says, "Don't worry about your other secrets. I'll never say anything." And she goes away. Out of your apartment. Out of your life.

You've lost her.

You fall on the same couch where two minutes ago you sat with her, looking for her scent in the air, seeking the warmth that you now lack. And you feel the knot coming up through your throat, drowning you, stealing the air, threatening to explode if not released. And that's when, for the first time in seven years, you cry.

* * *

On the fourth day, Yashiro comes into your apartment with the emergency key. Because you're the emergency.

You are a shadow of what you were. You haven't shaved or taken a shower, you haven't even changed your clothes. You're wearing the same clothes as when she went out of your life.

Your apartment is a mess. You've stormed the drinks cabinet, there are bottles lying on the floor, garbage, paper, food wrappers, and next to the wall in front of you, broken glasses... The house smells of vomit, lack of ventilation, rotten food... The same food you would have shared with Kyoko is still on the table where you put it, untouched, full of flies.

You don't want to sleep, because you know that you'll dream of her, but alcohol always beats you and it brings you restless and macabre dreams, where she is a fairy princess, beautiful and fierce, that banishes you from her kingdom, because you are a deformed monster with a black heart. Because everything you touch turns black.

Yashiro leads you as he can, with pleas, with shouting and shoving, to the shower. He places you right under the cold water, just like you are, still dressed, hoping that you calm down and sober up. He doesn't ask what happened. He won't. Then, over a cup of hot coffee, he gives you a talk. The big scolding talk. He uses the emotional blackmail, casting doubt on your professionalism, appealing to your pride. But it's useless. You already have no pride. You hurt the most you love, and you lost her. You have nothing left.

Three days later, you find out you haven't died, and you get out of bed. You have a shower willingly and you go to bed again. The next day, you're still alive. Your chest hurts as if you have an open hole in the middle, as if you're missing your heart. Thirty six hours later, after one of your slumbers full of nightmares, you realize that you can endure. It still hurts like red-hot iron, but you can bear it. You call Yashiro and you tell him to schedule some light work for tomorrow.

You stand on your own feet again.

* * *

Tsuruga Ren returns to active work. An illness, the media told. The gossips flew. From drugs to love sickness, through some rehab, they said. Almost twenty jobs were canceled those days when you were out of this world. Lory manages damage control on the press. Yashiro juggles to recover your work commitments and your reputation. He fills your hours of work and more work, and you give thanks to him, because later, when night comes, you'll fall exhausted on your bed in a dreamless sleep.

You no longer pass by the corridors of Love Me, but when you walk in or out of LME, your eyes look over the hall hoping to see a pink blur from afar. Or you spend your time in the office window, looking down the street. Sometimes you see her. And it still hurts. You watch her to grab the bike and ride. Or you see her out with her friends, the three Love Me girls together, unmistakable even from this distance. You still love her.

A day like any other, you turn a corner and you meet her. Your heart jumps into your chest and you smile. You can't help it. You really smile. To your "Good morning, Mogami-san" she replies a polite "Good morning, Tsuruga-san." Her formal smile doesn't reach her eyes but you don't see the furies. And before you can start some small talk, she was already gone. You stand alone in the hallway.

* * *

Three months later, the star of Kyoko is on the rise. Despite the criticism, _Box-R_ has good ratings and Natsu gains popularity. She starts to get scripts and offers for commercials. You know all this by Yashiro, who knows by Sawara-san. You're glad for her.

You meet again at an awards ceremony. The award for Best Revelation Actress goes to Kyouko. It swells your chest full of pride when you see her on stage, with her chin up and her sweet look. You forget to breathe when she says your name among the acknowledgements, happy because she remembers you. Tsuruga Ren, her senpai... Anyway, you keep cheering like a fool.

When the ceremony ends, you can't help but gravitate towards her. You wait your turn, (im)patiently, until she's right in front of you. You congratulate her. Finally you have with her more than three words, and both of you talk about her Hongo Mio and silly anecdotes of that shooting. It's a conversation. She talks to you again. That night you sleep like a child.

* * *

One night in TBM for an interview in _Kimagure Rock_ , you see Yashiro coming silently, with his head down. He doesn't want to look at you. You know that something is terribly wrong. You force him to tell you. After the second threat, he tells you he overheard something. Ishibashi Hikaru, one of the hosts of the show you attend tonight, is dating Kyoko since a month and a half. Your broken heart breaks again. "They are an item", says Yashiro. Apparently, he has been after Kyoko for more than a year. They call you on stage and you pretend everything is right. Because you're an actor... And a good one, too.

He's in front of you, interviewing you. Kyoko's boyfriend. Kyoko's boyfriend. Kyoko's boyfriend... Those words don't leave your head like an echo while you answer questions to Ishibashi Trio faking joviality. Hikaru is the lowest of the three ones. Also the most formal. He seems to be a good boy. By the random ways of the interview, you find out that he is one year older than you. Five years more than Kyoko. And you were worried about your four years...

That night in your apartment, you close the bathroom door, you lean on it and you let yourself slip to the floor, and for the second time in six months, you cry.

* * *

Life goes on. Months go by. Your career is still successful, but you're alone. The tabloids say you have become a hermit. You barely attend the social events of the art world. An adorable hermit, they specify. Because to the world, you are still the gentlemanly and well-mannered Tsuruga Ren, but since a long time, no one associate you with the words 'playboy' or 'womanizer'. There's no need at all.

Kyoko graduated from Love Me and made her debut in a romantic film. You went to see it three days after the premiere. You dressed like a guy of your age, not as Tsuruga Ren, and you came into when they turned off the lights. You're waiting anxiously to see her act. And she doesn't disappoint you.

She is magnificent. She dominates the screen. The film is her. A mediocre script, like so many others, that only for her performance becomes remarkable. You see the great actress you always knew she would be. Your pride of senpai fills your chest, but...

You see her first kiss on screen. You see her kissing Murasame Taira...

And you feel like ripping him to pieces just like Cain swore he'd do if he gets too close to Setsu...

And as that black thought crosses your mind, you realize that you have no right to do it. She is not yours, not your girlfriend, not your sister, not even your kohai... The vertigo of emptiness hits you again. You grip your hands tightly on the armrests of the chair until you recover. You escape from the theater when the credits appear.

* * *

The true identity of Cain Heel is already public. And the roles of murderer begin to rain down on you. No, thanks, once it was enough. But then a script catches your attention. This is different... The story of a man who gets into the world of clandestine fights to support his family, and eventually, he becomes stupefied, losing his humanity until the love of her wife finally rescues him. The script is full of action and bare-knuckle fighting. You know well the story. Practically you have lived it. Even the part of love as a redemptive force. Except you didn't marry her. But yes, love saved you. And that's why you accept this role. A character that can destroy you again, but it can save you as well, because it can help you to face the ghosts and demons that still fill your nights.

The day for the cold reading of the script, the director meets the entire cast to make introductions and to give them instructions about their roles. You're there, talking to someone, waiting to start, when you hear Yashiro stifles a whine behind you. You turn around and you see her. Kyoko. Your heart skips a beat as it always does when you meet her. She comes with Kotonami-san, chatting in a carefree way, until they see you. Kyoko smiles at you. My God, she smiles at you... How long has it been since the last time she smiled at you this way? And you can't help answering her smile with your own one... The usual greetings among you four are made, as if your last met were yesterday, until Kyoko drops the bomb: "Tsuruga-san, I'm looking forward to act with you. I'm being your wife." You have years of experience in front of cameras but nothing could ever have prepared you for this. Your surprised face is genuine. You hear another whine from Yashiro, and from the corner of your eye, you see Kotonami-san giving a nudge to him to behave. And you reply, "It will be a pleasure to play with you again, Mogami-san. Long time no work together," and she says to you, "I'll be up for the task, Tsuruga-san, I'll give my best," and you smile at her, smiling with your smile of senpai, and you say, "I didn't expect less from you, Mogami-san... Nothing less..." That night you dream of the children playing along the river twelve years ago.

* * *

The shooting begins.

The Ishibashi guy comes to pick her up at the end of the day, and you see them leave together. She waves goodbye to you. You do the same. She seems happy. She deserves to be happy. Even though it's not by your side.

Behind you, you hear the quick whispers of Kotonami-san and Yashiro. You roll your eyes. Some things never change...

Now you see her every day. You talk with her, laugh with her. You're happy. You can't help smiling.

Until the darkness of your character catches up with you.

Nightmares are back, strong, ruthless and brutal... You wake soaked in sweat, staring at your hands, half expecting to see the blood of others on your fists. Then you decide not to go back to sleep. You don't want.

But every night you wake up with the anguish gripping your throat, because you see the monster you were, always bloodthirsty, always wanting revenge for insults, real or imagined ones, it doesn't matter. Because one part of you enjoyed the feeling of control over the other, playing with him like a cat with its prey, knowing that at the end he couldn't escape from you. No... He never escaped... And never unharmed...

The dark circles under your eyes are the new gossip in LME. Lory calls you on the carpet and he repeats you for the umpteenth time that you should never have accepted that role. Because it awakens in you echoes of the past and it makes your wounds bleed again. You know that, it's true, but if you don't face your past, how do you know if you've overcome it?

But one night you can't bear it any longer... At three in the morning, with your cell phone in your hand, you write three simple words. "Are you awake?" Two long minutes later, there comes an answer. "Now I am." You stare at the phone, unable to believe what you've done. You woke her up. You're no one to disturb her in the wee hours. But you did. You're thinking of a thousand of absurd ways to apologize when another message comes. "Nightmares?" Your fingers respond quickly, "Yes." And then silence. There are no more messages. A while later, when you're thinking of making use of whiskey to help you sleep, your doorbell rings.

And when you open the door, you see her. Kyoko, at your door, her face, sleepy. She wears sweatpants and a coat over her pajama shirt. Without words, you step aside and she comes in. She goes straight to the living room. You still don't believe she's here, the very same place from where she went away a year ago full of anger.

She's sitting on the floor in front of your huge collection of movies. She turns, looks at you and says, "Why are you wearing your contact lenses so late?" You take them off. When you're back, she smiles at your green eyes. Corn's eyes. She's still skimming your collection. You sit on the couch and you only look at her. She pulls out a case, " _Box-R_? The special edition?" she asks incredulously. "Yes. I have all your work..." She smiles even more... "As expected of a good senpai..." And you smile, even though you don't want, only because she still recognizes you as something in her life.

You push your luck and ask, "Why are you here?" She turns again and looks at you, their golden eyes on your green ones. You catch your breath, like waiting sentence before the judge. "I couldn't hate you forever," she tells you. And you finally breathe. She doesn't hate you. She doesn't hate you anymore. She chooses the drama of Sagara Kyoshiro, starring Otou-san, her father and yours, from his days as Hozu Shuuhei, before regaining his real name.

She sits next to you on the couch and clicks the _Play_ button. The chapter begins.

She doesn't hate you. She doesn't hate you anymore.

Three minutes later, you are asleep.

* * *

When you wake up, you're alone, but you can see that she has prepared for you some coffee and some light miso soup. You smile. You can't avoid.

She keeps coming every night, late. You both talk for a while about anything, or just play something on the TV until you fall asleep on the couch. And then she leaves. You never ask what her boyfriend thinks of her nights out. You never ask why she keeps coming back night after night. You would rather to keep thinking that it's because you mean something for her, instead of thinking that she pities you. You only want to enjoy being with her. Any other thing, frankly, you don't care.

One night you begin to address each other by their first names. Your chest swells with joy, because you know that means she has forgiven you and you have regained her trust. But you can't be at ease and you go further. "Kyoko..." and you enjoy yourself as you say her name, "May I ask a favor?" "Um... Yeah, right..." she responds. You take breath and say, "When we were alone, would you call me Kuon?" She opens her eyes wide in surprise, "Kuon? Are you sure?" And you say, "Yes. I'm trying to make peace with my past, and I should accept who I am today and who I was, at least before someone." She smiles at you and says, "All right, Kuon," and you've never felt better for being Kuon.

* * *

And the day of your first kiss with your 'wife' comes. Oh, there will be more kissing in this shooting. But this is the first one...

You are nervous. Very nervous. Butterflies in your stomach are beating their wings incessantly. It's a kiss of fiction. You know that. It's not real. But it's Kyoko. You're about to kiss Kyoko. Your Kyoko...

The scene begins. You both are in your marks. You say your lines, you move close to her and kiss her, and your lips on hers move as if they would want not to leave. An angry "Cut!" brings you back to the real world. An NG to the kiss... An NG! The director, in a bad mood that day, says, "Too intense, Tsuruga-san. You have to be colder, as if you don't care about her at all..." Really? Kissing Kyoko and being cold... No, these two ideas are incompatible. Kissing Kyoko coldly is impossible for you. You cannot. But you must. So you act. And you kiss her again. The director gives his okay. When you say goodbye to her in your way to your dressing room, you look at her. No blushes on Kyoko. Neither nerves, nor she looks away. Her voice is firm. And in your dressing room, while Yashiro talks about the other appointments for today, you aren't listening, you only think that kissing doesn't make her nervous any longer. Because she has already kissed a thousand times. To her boyfriend...

* * *

On any given day you arrive on set and you see a flurry of girls uttering excited squeals and bouncing with excitement. Amid this welter, you discern Kyoko right in the center. You frown. You intuit what happens. You know it. It was only a matter of time. Yes, you know it. You display your best smile of Tsuruga Ren, that one you have rehearsed so much in the mirror. Although you're perfectly aware that Kyoko recognizes the falseness of your plastic smile. As you approach, you listen to the girls. "And when is the wedding?", "What a beautiful ring!", "You're marrying!" And several "Oooh" and "Aaaah" that make your guts twitch, feeling the nausea. You force yourself to look for your voice. Finally you get close to her, and you say what you have to say, even though your chest bleeds inside. Yes, you say it. "Congratulations, Kyoko-san." She smiles at you, glad, and she replies, "Thank you, Ren-san." "And when is the happy event?" "In four months." "So soon?" "Yes, due to our schedules, above all else. Although I would have preferred to wait a little longer."

You're happy for her. You feel sorry for yourself. You want her to be happy. You want her to be happy with you ... No, that's not right... You don't keep fooling yourself any longer. At the end of all, and above all, you want her to be happy, even if not with you.

But she keeps coming every night.

* * *

One night, just a few days left before the end of the shooting, she shows up mumbling and muttering something that has to do with the wedding. You barely understand her, but you get the 'Western' and 'traditional' words. Patiently, you find out the whole story. It turns out she wanted a traditional Japanese wedding. She dreamed of walking across the temple yard wearing the ceremonial headdress and the virginal white kimono, in procession with their beloved ones, the Taisho and Okami-san, just behind her, walking to the altar where her soon-to-be husband awaits. And once already married, dressing the beautiful _uchikake_ , the newlywed kimono, red for good luck, embroidered with a thousand flowers. "But nooo... It had to be a western wedding because his manager wants to project his image as modern young man into the international market in Southeast Asia," she says angrily. "Kuon, it's my wedding and I have no say in it!" You can only comfort her.

* * *

The shooting ends, and she no longer comes at night, but thanks God, you both still meet. You have a cup of tea, a lunch somewhere, a dinner sometimes. You go out with her now more than when she was single and not engaged.

For days, you're gathering courage to tell her you're leaving. That you run away from her. But of course, those aren't the words you'll say. You'll tell her you have a great opportunity to work in Korea for a year, two dramas and three films, and several modeling campaigns. Yes, something like this you'll say to her. You don't say that it's because her happiness hurts you. No, not that…

Her eyes fill with tears. You're useless, Kuon. You've made her cry. "All of you go away. Everybody leaves me..." And you, you stupid, you realize that she put you in the same bag as her freezing mother and that idiot Shotaro. "No," you explain. "I won't leave you, Kyoko. It's only work, I'll be back. Besides, you can call me anytime." And you go on, "Kyoko, I could never leave you... Don't cry, please..." She buries her face against your chest, sobbing, "A year will pass quickly," you say. You hold her closely. Although you know, from experience, that the days without her slow down endless. "Do you promise?" she asks. "I do. I promise. I will never leave you." And you know it's true. You'll never leave her.

* * *

Your flight to Korea leaves on the same night of the day when the love of your life is marrying. You'll give your congratulations and wishes of prosperity and good fortune in her marriage, because that's what you have to do for her. You have a year to learn how to live again without her. But you know it's useless. You'll look for her as soon as you're back because you need her to keep yourself sane. You'll share in her joys and sorrows, you'll walk with her every step of the way, you'll be glad for her successes, and you'll play with her children... You'll be the loyal friend who never fails. You'll see her marry another man...

* * *

Two days before the wedding and your travel, she comes unannounced to your apartment. She goes into, ranting and raving... Ignoring your own safety, you move next to her. You await. Whenever she is ready, she'll tell you.

"They have already decided where to live. In central Tokyo. My opinion doesn't matter."

"And Hikaru?"

"Agh, Hikaru is adorable, charming... But he wouldn't move a finger for me."

You don't say anything.

"I can't stand it anymore, Kuon... Together his family and his manager have planned my whole life, when to marry, where to live, when to begin having children... For God's sake, they're even pestering my manager about what roles I should choose! They don't want my roles affect negatively his popularity, that's what they tell me. And you know what's the worst? The worst of all? No one has asked me anything to me. Not even once. I don't exist. As if I were merely a factor in his career, a thing, and not his bride-to-be."

"And what do you want?"

"I want a house with a garden, trees and flowers. I want to have children whensoever they come, without having to look at schedules. I want to choose roles as a new challenge. I want to feel proud of myself... I want a husband who trust me and whom I trust... How hard is that?"

"Don't you love him?"

"Hmm... No... I mean, don't get it wrong... Of course I esteem him. I'm very fond of him, indeed... Yes, I could say I love him."

"But you don't really love him?"

"I don't."

"And why are you marrying him?"

"Because no one else will want..."

You can't believe what you hear. You can't believe what she just said. You can't believe what comes out of your mouth.

"I do love you…"

"Yes, Ren, I know that you're fond of me. Me too. But you wouldn't marry me."

"Right now if you wanted it."

And she stops dead suddenly, as if frozen, trying to figure out if you're serious or not. You keep talking.

"Kyoko, I've always loved you. I love you."

She reacts and looks at you.

"Do you love me?"

"I do."

"And why do you drop on me a bomb like that? Two days before I get married! Two days before you leave for an eternity!"

You just shrug your shoulders in that gesture she abhors so much.

"I wanted to tell you at least once."

* * *

She left, not even sure how to react. You feel oddly free, because you've revealed your last secret. It won't change anything, but at least you said it. At least once you tell her that you love her...

The morning of the wedding, while Kyoko is getting married, you decide to keep packing and unpacking your luggage for not to think about it. Yashiro is picking you up to go to the airport in the afternoon. The day before you told him you weren't going to attend the wedding. When he asked why, you told him the truth. "I'm not staying to see her marry someone whom doesn't love. She won't be happy."

No, you don't want to see how she condemns herself to a loveless marriage. If she loved him, you'd attend gladly, only to see her happy, to see how she shares her joy. But knowing what you know now... No... It won't be a happy ending.

The bell rings and you think Yashiro comes early. About this time, he should be at the wedding reception.

But it's not Yashiro.

You're open-mouthed in astonishment, unable to believe what you're seeing.

Kyoko, in her bridal gown, at your door.

Before you can react, she goes into your apartment like a blur of white silk and organdy, and she talks to you.

"I was the chicken."

"Eh?"

"I just realized…"

"What?"

"I just realized, Kuon... I didn't know she was me... The high school girl you fell in love. The girl you told me. Well, not me, but the chicken... Kuon... I... I didn't know you loved me until two days ago..."

You can't believe it...

"Aren't you married?"

"I'm not."

She's not married.

She's here, with you...

She was the chicken...

Amazing.

And you start to laugh... Because this is weirdly funny... Kyoko, so blind as usual... She looks at you as if you had two heads, until she realizes what she just said and starts to laugh with you.

Both of you are right here, holding your stomachs, bursting of laughter. At some point, when the laughs are ceasing, you take her hands in yours and you ask again.

"Aren't you married?"

"I'm not."

And that's when you know which will be your future.

Months go by and lots of flights to / from Korea later, you ask her to marry you.

And a summer day, three years after that terrible night when you lost her, you see her walking across the temple yard, looking down, beautiful, and raising her eyes just when she comes to you on the altar. Those golden eyes you love.


End file.
